I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You can't motorboat a personality
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
