After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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