I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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