i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
