So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
