the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
