I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
