singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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