Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
