i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
