i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
