i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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