I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize