You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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