My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
