Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
