I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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