i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
