I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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