I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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