youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
