Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
