Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
