she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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