My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I need a burrito and a hug.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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