if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
