Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
