I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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