fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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