Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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