the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
