i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
