New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
