My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
