Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
