I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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