Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
