drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
