I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
