I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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