Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
