I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
