The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
