You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think people are normalizing furries
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
