dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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