My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
