I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
