you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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