Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
