the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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