i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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