Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
