I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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