She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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