Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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