I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
