So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
