Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
