As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
