its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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