it's not cheating when I paid for it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
