What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
