Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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