on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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