Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
