you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
