Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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