I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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