Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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