My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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