It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
