If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
