She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
