Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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