I bet he comes in French.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
