wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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