but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
