Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
