wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
