He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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