last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
