I just made out with a guy for $7.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
