I got her a Nickelback box set.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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