before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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