What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
