I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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