Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Non-Jews are for practice
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize