Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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