On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
