We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
