Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
