Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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