OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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