i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
