I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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