Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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