please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
